App Also Replaces “My Bad” with “You’re Welcome, Loser” in All Messages
Trump Unveils New App: “NoRegrets,” Automatically Deletes Any Text Containing the Word “Sorry’
App Also Replaces “My Bad” with “You’re Welcome, Loser” in All Messages
PALM BEACH, FL — Donald Trump has officially entered the app game with *NoRegrets*, a revolutionary piece of software designed to purge any signs of weakness, humility, or human decency from your digital communications. The app detects apology words and substitutes them with phrases like “Deal with it,” “Try again, clown,” and “Leadership, baby!”
“Apologies are the silent killer of self-esteem,” Trump announced from a jacuzzi shaped like the Constitution. “With NoRegrets, you’ll text like a winner–loud, proud, and always above the law.”
When users type “I’m sorry,” the app autocorrects to “You’re confused.” Typing “That was my fault” prompts a 12-second Trump speech about American greatness and a GIF of a bald eagle sneezing on accountability.
Users can earn loyalty points by blocking emails from therapists, ex-spouses, or Canadians.
Melania has reportedly installed the app but only uses it to message Barron things like “No homework tonight, it’s freedom hour.”
Digital privacy experts are horrified. Supporters say it’s “finally a productivity app for the emotionally bulletproof.”
Coming soon: *NoRegrets Pro*, which erases guilt from photos, taxes, and family court transcripts. “This,” Trump said, “is how America apologizes: It doesn’t.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
